What is your biggest fear? Heights? Clowns? Losing your family? How about being happy? It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? We all want to be happy. Who would be silly enough to be afraid of happiness?
Last week, I was washing dishes before my husband came home. My house smelled of incense, coffee, and lavender. It was a beautiful scent that made me happy, music was playing, and all was well. So, why did my happy dishwashing become more and more worrisome? I worried about if my husband would make it home safely. I worried more when I called his phone and he didn’t answer. When he did call to tell me he was on his way home, I worried when he took 50 minutes to get home, instead of his usual half hour. Once he got home, I was relieved. What was I so worried about in the first place?
Then, last night. I went to sleep, eager for the morning.
We just got a dryer, so I can finally get through the ginormous pile of laundry and declutter. As I went to sleep, I thought about the plans I was making for getting everything tidied and selling what I no longer love, getting my writing projects in order, and what I wanted to do first thing in the morning. I was as excited as a little girl waiting for her birthday.
Then, I went to sleep and woke up. I had a dream about looking at my bedroom window and seeing dancing lights. Or, had the window been dancing. You know how silly dreams are. But, what if it wasn’t a dream? What if I had seen lights and it meant someone had been in my backyard stealing my children’s bikes? After realizing the silliness of that idea, my mind
thought it might great fun to remind me that the
dog had been asleep at bedtime, so hadn’t been taken out.
(a) What if she wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to the bathroom indoors?
or (b) What if she suddenly dies because she didn’t go and had kidney failure? How would we deal with this?
Can anything sound more STUPID? Well, yes, in the light of day, it’s obvious, but in the middle of the night? Hey! Let’s go back to thinking about someone sneaking into my backyard. Maybe they also carted off the ice chests, the lawnmower, and the bench. But, I had to be lying around sleeping.
Obviously, everything in the backyard was untouched and the dog was sleeping on a cushion with her paw over her face.
But, that’s not all. As I make plans to expand my writing projects, I’m considering crowd funding for one and fussing with myself about whether or not to do it. “What if no one donates?” “Is this incredibly stupid to ask my friends and acquaintances for money?” “How do I write a plan?” “What if…What if…. What if….!?” There’s that feeling in the pit of my stomach and there is no reason why. Only my own anxiety and fear that I have trained myself to expect the worst for so long.
When people talk about the Law of Attraction, they say we attract what we focus on. Good or bad. Then, we wonder why things don’t get better. It sounds so simple. Focus on what you want and you’ll attract that. Only, there is a part that is so used to holding on to what is expected, anything new is scary. Even Good changes.
Could your Fear of Happiness aka The Unknown Path be standing in your way? What are your thoughts?