Fragments was originally published on a previous blog. When I think back with a realistic eye, things lined up in ways to make this all happen. There are movies about going back and fixing what was broken.
In late 2006, I started a journey. I wanted two things. I wanted to know who I was. I wanted to find my fragments. Somehow, I was going to fix the broken pieces of who I was, but I had no idea how.
When I prayed about and asked, “Who am I?” the answer was, “You don’t want to know. It will be too painful.”
But, anyone who knows me can tell you I’m stubborn. If I want something, I will make it happen.
So, I asked again and again. Soon, things started happening. People I used to know came back into my life. I met new people who reminded me of who I used to be. My vision mostly restored itself (My real physical vision. We’ll talk about that another time. I just don’t suggest you do it the same way.) Things that shouldn’t have happened really did.
To me, I’m very boring and my life quite ordinary. That is, until people start asking details. Generally, my practice is drawing others out. When I tell the stories of my only life they are quite kooky.
But, it’s all part of the great journey called life and it led me from a point that once looked hopeless and lonely to looking forward to every new day.
Don’t let the Pollyanna sound of my post fool you. It was far from easy and many things that happened were highly painful. Were they worth it? Yes. When you make it through the abyss, you appreciate the beauty of the world, even on a cloudy day.
If anyone had told me in 2006 that in 2014, I would be a writer, working on a self esteem project, friends with people I knew from high school, and loved my life, I would have wondered what great things they were smoking.
Tomorrow is not yet written. If it is, we don’t know the script, so we can make it up as we go along.
It’s one step at a time.
As a child, I grew up too fast and didn’t think it was fast enough. We all do this. In the end, we are left with pieces of ourselves, shattered beyond use, or completely lost. Adults call it growing up and say it’s a good thing. Because, when your vision of the world is cloudy and jaded, you don’t notice the parts of it that are ugly. The only problem is, you also miss out on the 80% that is beautiful, if you only remembered how to look.
It’s a not so common gift to get back what we have lost. What we discover is, “Hey! I know you! I had forgotten all about you” Perhaps your inner child is a brat, but he’s still you and should be allowed to play. But, this isn’t about him. Go take him out to the playground or something, so I can finish this.
TRUST may have been lost because of a silly fight that wasn’t worth losing a best friend over. INNOCENT ENTHUSIASM lost with the first breaking of a heart. INSPIRATION just moved on, because the world said, “You’re supposed to think of the future and not live in a dream world.”
I have found what was lost and continue to close the circle. That I am writing something more than just fragmented lines and incomplete thoughts in this blog is proof. I am not proud! I am amused!
I call it a blessing. A second chance. Getting this far is at times painful and like running through fire, but has been worth nearly every moment. Even if I still don’t know what I am doing, I enjoy being more of a whole person, instead of a broken reflection of what I once was and wished to be.