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The other week, I started planning my editorial calendar. Going through my old articles, I realized I have been very neglectful of the actual writing process of Being Artemis for the past year. What a year it has been!
Last year, I heard a little voice that asked, “Would you give up everything you have to have everything you ever wanted?” What a question! I thought I could… Except I would never give up my children. Then, I went on with my walk, because that’s what you do when you near little voices asking weird questions, just so we convince ourselves we aren’t really insane.
This year, I did just that. My marriage ended. I got a full time job. I moved into my first apartment. Last week, I financed my first car and am trying to come up with things to sell in the next three weeks, so I can pay for it. I talk to my children every day and we see each other often. I am living the life of a millennial at the age of 42. Only, I have no real social life to speak of. (After I wrote that last sentence, my cat looked horribly offended).
I have had friends write and call to tell me they are simultaneously concerned and admire all I have done in such a short time. I tell them not to fret, but there are many nights I cry myself to sleep and am fearful of what I have done.
Yet, I have a lot to be thankful for, as I have many blessings.
- My children. I love them more than anything. They are the most wonderful people I know and I can’t imagine life without them. My daughter was the reason the Facebook page continued through the summer months.
- My cat. We met on Halloween night. Now, she’s lying on my chest as I type. She is highly intelligent, has a fascination with my tablet and anything that moves. She has listened to my French and guitar lessons. She has put a paw on my face when I cried and cuddles every chance she gets.
- My friends. They have fed me and helped me without asking anything in return. They have been great cheerleaders.
- My apartment. When I was younger, I had ideas on what I wanted in a home. This has it all. It is the cute in so many ways.
- My job. My plan is to go back to blogging, freelancing, and selling through my Victory Rose online shop, next year. But, my job has been a great stepping stone. I am forever grateful for that.
Next year, I want to make this blog go full force. My original plan was about reaching women who felt alone, hopeless, or had low self esteem. If I can get one other person to not feel as I did for so many years, I will be a success. Once this blog gets more of a following, I want to start a meetup where we can encourage one another and learn extra skills and/or share or talents.
Being Artemis is about being who you are meant to be. It isn’t always easy and it is terrifying. But, if you want something enough, anything can happen.
What are you thankful for today?
Nowadays everyone is always worried about what they look like.
If they’re skinny enough. If they’re tall enough. If their clothes and makeup are perfect and expensive. But by the standards of the world it will never be “Good enough”. What the world views as “Perfect” is Always changing.
Comparing yourself to the models in magazines and on billboards and getting upset that you don’t look like them is like comparing yourself to a Barbie doll and getting upset that you don’t look like it.Because the pictures in magazines are just as fake as a barbie doll. Even if the article says “Look how comfortable this celebrity is with how they look.” the picture is still digitally touched up to make them look skinnier or have a better complexion or something.
But just as I am saying you shouldn’t feel bad for not always looking perfect it doesn’t mean you must always wear a potato sack and look like a slob.
It’s good to look nice. It’s good to wear nice clothes, or do your hair, or wear a little makeup. If it makes you happy even better. But you shouldn’t compare what you look like after that to what others look like.
I want to go to beauty school. I want to learn how to do hair and makeup to make people look better. Not because I think they need lots of products to look nice, but because I know from experience that a good look can boast your confidence dramatically.
Makeup and dressing up is fun. But it’s not everything. It is more important to be a good person than it is to look good. I have seen many told they are ugly without makeup, or that they wear too much makeup and look fake. If anybody says that to you then know it is not you that is wrong. They are wrong for not giving you a chance.
We all seem to think we always need to be perfect for everyone. That’s where most of us go wrong and get confused with what WE want to do.
We can never be completely perfect, but we can try our best. Not try our best to be what someone else wants us to be. But what You want You to be.
You don’t have to be what you don’t want to be for anybody, even if they are close to you. You should never change just because someone tells you too. If they say they are giving you advice say thank you then think about, and decide for yourself if it is truly the best thing for you.
No one knows you better then yourself. Even if sometimes you may need to take a day to reintroduce yourself.
There are all kinds of people and we are all different. Nobody should expect you to fit into their little mold.
Never let someone make you feel less of yourself just because you are not what they want.
When we are little we are told we can do anything. That we can Be Anything. But as we get older we get shot down more and more. We end up getting told what we want to do is Impossible or Impractical .
Why do people build other people up when they are young, only to tear them down when they get older?
Well, I say whatever you want to do, no matter how impossible or impractical they may be, (as long as they’re legal.) Then go for it! No matter how many times you may be turned down, or told you can’t do it Keep trying and never give up.
The Wright brothers were told Flying was impossible. But now we have Jets and Helicopters that can even fly at night.
Louisa May Alcott when she first tried to get one of her stories published the publisher sent it back with a note that said “Stick too your teaching Miss Alcott you will never be a writer.” Now there are over 511 stories by her published.
Many people were told they couldn’t do it. But they pushed through that and came out on top. You can too.
Keep your head up, and keep looking toward your goal You can come out on top. You can FLY!
We complain when things are not as we want, or as we expected. Sometimes what we want and what we need are two very different things.
You may have wanted to go to a concert but you needed to save your money for college, or a house.
You may have wanted to leave for something early, but couldn’t, and later found that if you had you would have been in that accident you just missed.
Things happen for a reason. whether or not you see the reason right now doesn’t matter. It may not be what you wanted, but it will be for your good in the end.
Sometimes your blessings come through rain when you wanted sunshine.
“If you’re ever gonna find a silver lining
It’s gotta be a cloudy day
If you wanna fill your bottle up with lightning
You’re gonna have to stand in the rain”
Kasey Musgraves “Silver lining.”
Without getting into the whys and hows and whats, I am in the limbo part of a break up. Limbo, because I am still saving up so I can move out. Meanwhile, I am sleeping on the couch. I also have a long commute on my city’s freakishly slow bus system. Don’t cry any tears for me. My worst days are better than the average once were. There are no bad guys in this. Although, I do feel massive guilt about deciding I wanted to change how things were.
While I am taking inventory, taking mental notes on separating our accounts, and getting ready to turn all the financial planning over, I realize it feels so much like dying. In a way, it is. I have murdered my old self. The person I once was is dead. All I am doing now is setting up the funeral. The woman I am, and have yet to become, is working toward rebirth. A friend of mine compared it to the Phoenix.
There is no way to wax poetic about this process. These are heartbreaking, uncertain times. There are also moments of wonderful realization and happiness. The future is not set in stone and there are so many possibilities for what can be. This is the first time I have lived in the Now. While I shed many tears when I think of what was and what I leave behind, I also think of the incredible people I never would have met if my life had stayed the same.
Do you want to be a part of Being Artemis? Share your story of strength or send your ideas about future articles to firstname.lastname@example.org.